Right or Left?

So an odd thing about growing up homeschooled… I’m not sure I ever learned my right from left. I mean over time you pick that shit up, but I don’t remember learning it. And I can never remember my directions until I do that stupid thing with your hands… pointer finger and thumb, whichever one makes an “L” is left.

Funny story… yesterday sitting around the dinner table with my boyfriend and his family we were talking about baby names. It is a joke with Steve and I because he told me that he wants to name his son Shamus. First, let me say I’m not pregnant. And second, never will I ever have a kid named Shamus Andrus. Consider my foot firmly down on this one! So I keep trying to find other Irish baby names that we can compromise on. I believe I have his family invested in helping me out on this.

A family friend was at the table during this discussion and I can see he has something going on internally. I make eye contact and he basically does the sign language gesture of a basketball growing out of his stomach. I turn red and say, “Oh no no no, I’m not pregnant.” And then proceed to say there needs to be a ring on it…. holding up my RIGHT hand and my middle finger. Yep. I flipped him off.

I then realize I have the WRONG hand, and WRONG finger! Turn even redder, and have Steve’s entire Mormon family staring at me. Lovely.

It is at those moments I wish I could explain that this might be the product of not learning right from left in those formative years. Damn you homeschooling! I would punch you in the face right now, if you had a face.


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